Back to being a working mom

Written on 8-23
Today was my first day back at school, even though I don't meet my new students until next week. I had been in complete denial about going back. So much so that it kind of felt like it hit me like a ton of bricks yesterday. I broke out in tears several times just thinking about it. I even made a comment to Ray about Kenley & I having our last breakfast together, and he responded, "honey, you're not dying!" I know it's dramatic, but I feel like I'm in some kind of mourning of my summer. I know I'm going to miss so much over the hours each day I am at work. It kills me.  And it killed me even more to hear a few of my colleagues say that they were ready to come back to work, to get away from their kids, and that they could only handle going to the park so many times.  I was pretty surprised to hear that from some moms that have kids right around Kenley's age. But, I also know a lot of my colleagues were probably sad like I was to leave their kids.


I know I have to suck it up. I know that I'm lucky to have the summers off, and I know that so many moms do not get that perk. I know I will get through this year and be greatful when a 3 day weekend, or Chritmas break, and especially another summer rolls around. But, me, I thoroughly loved my summer with my girl.  I loved our mornings eating breakfast in the kitchen when she would want to "cheers" her milk with my iced coffee. I loved our afternoons of running errands, going on play dates, splash parks, playing in the backyard, and just having fun. And, our countless times at the park were no where near enough for me. I could push her on the swing & run around from slide to slide all day. I loved hearing all the new words she learned and laughing when she said funny things.  Even though she is having some tantrums that mostly start over the "I do it!" or hearing "No" powerstruggle, I loved that I got to experience them, soothe them, and eventually laugh about them.


I knowI am going to figure out this schedule again.  I might not be there for every moment, but I will make the ones I am here for count.